How many ....... does it take to change a light bulb?

FBI agents

None. The light is not crossing a state line.

Undercover DEA agents

None. They prefer to remain in the dark.

Secret Service agents on a protective detail

None. They task that to the local police.

BATF agents assigned to regulatory duty

None. ATF doesn’t regulate light bulbs.

IRS Agents

None. Tax payers change the light bulb and IRS just audits their activity.

Customs agents

Well, which country is this light bulb from?

Border Patrol agents

None on the Canadian border; a lot on the Mexican border.

US Marshals

As many as the court order specifies unless you are in Dodge City or Tombstone in which case it is one who is really fast.

CIA agents

We can neither confirm nor deny that the CIA changes light bulbs.

Highway Patrol Troopers

None. Their patrol cars can’t reach the speed of light.

Game Wardens

None. Light bulbs are in season.

SWAT officers

None. The light bulb is already out of action. Alternate answer: 14. (Incident commander & recorder, sniper & observer, 4 man inner perimeter team, 5 man dynamic entry & bad bulb control team, and 1 man with the light bulb.)

County Sheriffs

As many as the voters allow.

Kansas Deputy Sheriffs

None. There are no light bulbs in wheat fields.

Probation/Parole officers

None. The light bulb was placed on diversion because it had no previous record of burning out.

Corrections officers

None. The inmates haven’t seen the light; that’s why they’re in jail?

Police Chiefs

You’re kidding; Right?

Urban patrol officers

Do you want the desk sergeant’s answer or the budget analyst’s answer?

Small town police officers

1 of course. In a small town one officer can handle anything.

Military Intelligence agents

No one knows. Military Intelligence is only permitted to gather information on foreign nationals.

Army CID agents

1, but only if its involved in a felony. Otherwise turn it over to the Military Police Investigators.

Air Force OSI agents

None. Pilots handle the aircraft and Security Police control the airfield.

Navy CIS agents

None. That’s a Marine job.

Iraqi Police officers

None. The light bulb is okay; the electricity is just off again.

Afghani Police officers

What’s a light bulb?

Public Defenders Office Investigator

None. The evidence does not demonstrate that the light bulb is responsible for the darkness.

Crime Scene Investigators

None. Burning out is not a crime. Alternate answer: 7. One crime scene diagrammer; one photographer; one fingerprint analyst; one bloodstain analyst; one tool mark analyst; one ballistics examiner; one light bulb reconstructionist.

Computer forensic analysts

What kind of computer is this?

Private detectives

How big is the retainer?

Bail bond agents

None. They know if they bond it out; its not coming back.

Texas Rangers

One, of course. If one ranger can handle a riot, he can certainly handle a light bulb.

Saudi Religious Police

None. It’s prayer time.